I feel so much better, still struggling with my lazyness, but the stress is slowly leaving. The work stress is gone, because I’m not there anymore, but I do have to find a job. But I feel so much better and less stressed out! yay!
This is going to be a release for me. I need to write out my emotions to understand what I am going through because to be perfectly honest, I feel lost. I am lost. I was a woman who had motivation and goals and dreams. I was a dreamer, and believed that my dreams could come true. I was an optimist. I was always so happy and I love to sing a long to the radio, sang at work to make the day go by faster and always with a smile on my face. That same smile is no longer on my face. I feel myself being forceful and really interested in what anyone has to say. I was a person who genuinely cared about others people’s problems. Unfortunately, I am now so stressed out, that to simply listen to others people’s problems adds more stress to me. I’m lost. I want to be that same happy person I was. I want to smile or laugh without having to force it. I want to have the same motivation I used to have. I don’t want to look at the world in a negative light. I want to be happy. It’s not like I have the worst life ever. I have a family that loves me. My boyfriend loves me. I have people who want to see me succeed, and yet I’m failing all of them. I don’t want to live a life depressed or upset all of the time. Everything makes me mad. I am always om the edge. I’m lost. But this is the beginning to my recovery, to share my feelings with you. I’m scared and lost, but I have to find myself. Because I know that no one should live like this. No one should live upset or worried all the time, because what kind of life is that? There are people in worst situations, and I should be thankful for everything I have. But this is my first step, I will be happy again, I will find myself, for I do not want to be that lost girl. I want to be that beautiful, courageous, and confident woman.
